Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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