Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
