Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
