Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize