can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
