Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
