I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
