the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Sacagawea was the original milf.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
