Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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