I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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