You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
