I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
