Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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