You can't motorboat a personality
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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