Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
