I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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