Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This is my gift to your gina
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
