Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
