just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
