I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
