one might say we're banned from that church
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Your cock deserves a montage
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
