people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
