How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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