It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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