cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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