Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
