is your mom at the bar?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
