Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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