If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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