Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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