I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
