Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
