Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
