just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
