I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
