Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
