I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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