I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
