see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
