Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
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