Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
