he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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