Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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