She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize