was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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