Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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