I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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