If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
