sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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