Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
