The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
