Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
