didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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