You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
