Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
