weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
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Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
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well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize