just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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