alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
