Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
