I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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