bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
