Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
