Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
