I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
