What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
