omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
