Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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