Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
