Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
