Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Of course I have a pirate flag
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
