bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
