College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize