FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
