Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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